Before I get into it, I am not a writer, I’m shit at spelling and grammar means shit to me…

I seen the hashtag #DearMe10YearsAgo on Twitter and it got me thinking, what words of wisdom could I tell myself then that would have some kind of impact on my life now? “You are good enough” nah, I’d need to go back a lot further than 10 years to tell myself that, “things will get better” nah, well, sort of, on the outside absolutely, material things, definitely, my mental health? I’ll come back to that disaster some other time.

10 years ago I was in a job I hated, one I had been doing for 19 years, and had probably hated it for maybe the last 10 of them, I worked with some brilliant people though, we had a laugh together a lot of the time, was I happy with my life? No, my work life? Hell no, was I desperate to change it? Yes, was I shit scared to? Fuckin right I was, like most things, I’m scared to do anything that makes me put me wee toe out of my comfort zone, I was good at my job, and was well thought of, I was far to cocky tho, but at the time it was the only thing I was confident about.

So I stuck with it, it felt safe, then redundancy came up, it was an option, but I didn’t have to take it, it was my choice, “fuck it” I thought, it’s now or never, 19 years and 11 months since I started, I walked out the door, no job to go to, first time since I was 16 I wasn’t working, two weeks later I’m sitting having the second job interview of my life, trying to talk myself up, make myself sound confident, while inside I was greetin my eyes out wishing I’d just die on the spot, I did what I always do, I made the interviewers laugh, boom, I got the role.

That was probably the first time I’d ever felt proud of myself, I felt I was good enough because these people thought I was, things were going to get better because, well just because they were, were they? Yeah, I could buy a lovely home for a start, I was living in Glasgow so I was nearer the pubs and clubs I went to, had my friends around me, was I happy? No, happier than I had been for years though, but happy within my self? No, never, 10 years on from that almost and still not happy, I have nice things around me, a lovely home, my friends, my Family, my job that I love, and most importantly the love of my life, Hugo, my baby, the cat.

So I have been thinking what would I tell myself in my #DearMe10YearsAgo post on Twitter, All I can think of to tell myself is, yes things will get better, but get out of your head and stop listening to the multiple voices that are feeding your self loathing, don’t not look in the mirror, who you see in the mirror is you, even if who you think you are on the inside is a completely different person on the outside, people love you, you need to try and love yourself a bit, and be proud of yourself for taking the big step to change your career, it will be the best thing you will ever do.

If I could tell myself all that 10 years ago, maybe I’d be happier with myself, in another 10 years time maybe I’ll have finally grown to accept myself, maybe I’ll like what I see in the mirror, and maybe I’ll accept every single little flaw that makes me feel how I do now..


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